3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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