you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
