I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
