you're like a bully in the Christmas story
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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