Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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