i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
