My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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