This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
