I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
