wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
