I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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