I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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