my mouth tastes like poor choices
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the barista slut.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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