Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
