and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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