I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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