At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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