I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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