Who wears a wallet chain?!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
