Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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