I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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