I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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