Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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