you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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