He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
