Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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