Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
