Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
