Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
