I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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