one word: firstdatebathroomanal
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
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