wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
he quoted the bible to break up with me
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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