Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
