I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
