I think scott just propositioned me for sex
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
