that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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