Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
