Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
