When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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