Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
