i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
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