At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
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Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
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By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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