Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
