He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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