I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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