when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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