i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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