today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being pregnant is like rehab
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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