I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
