I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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