I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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