butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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