Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
