I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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