Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
