she woke up with a sticky ear
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
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In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
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You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I currently don't understand fingers.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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