Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize