..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
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Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
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you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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