It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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