When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize