Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Randomize
