Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
