Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Dick very happy bro
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
