Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
