So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I smell like Dick and happiness
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
