Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
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He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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