Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
