She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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